But without them especially losing Kimberly so suddenly I went into flight mode making funeral arrangements this time solo. Reality for me says it will never completely subside. Hi, Ive only just come across this page after searching, Is it normal to still feel so much grief, 18 months into a loss of a loved one. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. As far as these holidays coming up, i dont know how to get thru these,,,i feel time flying by as far as missing out, and yet its also dragging when it comes to healing. I also am only 2 months in after the loss of my husband ..21 years of marriage and 5 children the latter of which keep me going ..he lives in them. I want you to know that I feel alone without you. Never to be the same, never to fit into normal again. So nothing. Hi everyone. It presents itself in a million little ways throughout the day and night. I appreciate being able to write my feelings down and my heart goes out to you all. Then reality hits home so hard in the gut, I found my self holding back the tears because one I was pregnant with my 3rd son and second I didnt. Now and then there are good moments that let me see how lucky I was to have him in my life. I am not suicidal but if i knew my life would end soon, I would be ok with it . I wish you peace. He was another father/brother figure for me and we were inseparable. Take care all of you & we know were not alone experiencing this. I know most of what I am feeling is normal I dont want my dad back. I spent the first year in tears, confusion, shock, and disbelief. I dream of him every night and wake up and think he is with me. Thanks for sharing your story and God bless and comfort you too. and im back there again crying wishing id made more of that last year. I miss her just as much as I did two years ago. If there is an afterlife then we know this life happens in the blink of an eye, soyou had might as well try to live as full a life as you can, safe in the knowledge you will be reunited. Dear Everyone who is suffering and grieving a lossI hear and feel your pain and suffering. I grieve with you Lynn. It isnt any easier if it happens early or later than anticipated. I have just been reading through this site and found your response to minelike you..I dont want to socialise..I go to work..come home to the whirlpool of love from my two puppies..you and I are so blessed to have our furriesI know I will never have another soul mate and am so thankful to have been so loved and accepted for who I am ..may our boys rest in peace until we are together again..hope you have settled into your job.work will help keep us both going..hugs..ann. So numb. I love you Max forever youll always be in my heart and I see you in our 4 sons and grandchildren..youre missing their weddings and special celebrationsto all of you hear on this page I pray you find hope and courage to keep going . I lost my husband on 17th December 2016. The federal government had sent stimulus payments to about 1.1 million dead people totaling nearly $1.4 billion. We had no idea our child was depressed or suicidal. Its not in my character, its not who I am. This 2nd year is unbelievably hard. Collapsed at our 49th anniversary dinner. I am 41 years old and I lost my wife and 14 year old son in a car accident 17 months ago. Perhaps- try some see a doctor about taking some thing mild to help you sleep but avoid dependence on sleep aids. I lost my husband 12/16/2016. I see little progress in me from when he first passed. Night. I remember the 1st year being a blur. I feel like my pain relatively same and I would like to contact Emma J Andrews. They are my life line; especially since I live in town without my daughter and grandchildren, or for that matter without my parents, brothers sisters and extended family. In readdmetion 10 yrs from 1989 ,,2018. Ill always miss him. Even though it has been a long time, it's still hard to believe that she's gone!. Nothing has ever hurt so much and felt so hopeless. I also think it is the type of loss. But now 18 mths on its too much to bear, I wake up crying from such real dreams. so tight that only death could break it.And it did. Instead of it being sharp its full and aching. Caregiver for close to 8 years. Year number 1 I was numb. When I see couples together, I miss him even more, but I talk to God to help me get through the mental sadness, Stay well- youre not alone. We were together for 22 years. This is my second year without my husband of 15 years. I just had another cry and heart wrenching moment after 1 year and 10 months. I too have some wonderful children and grandchildren but they have their own life and like Norma said until you are in the spouse club you really cant understand this lose. Over 57 years, my Mom had been an officer, board member and choir member. He was sick for 6 months and then passed. I still have Sophie, another king charles. They tell me they are mourning too but are moving forward. I dont think I could find anyone that could be like him. *DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US! TikTok video from Stacey (@lifeofathoroughbred): "can't believe it's been nearly a year since you passed away grumps #thoroughbred #angryhorse #alfiehorse #tempermental #dead #horsesoftiktok #passedaway". I have sleepless night. Not at you, but with you. . -I am also 16 months on from losing the love of my life,knew her when we were 12 years old,but never got together until we were 31 years old ,god i miss her terribly she was my rock,I can actually say that time does heal a little bit,but as someone says to hold to kiss to hug one last time,we know also that wouldnt be enough dont we,i long to see her again hopefully i will,I think time does heal but i do not want to forget my wife , who knows what the future holds,but will never be the same,sory for my ramblings just found this site and every comment hits home god bless people xx, My husband of 45 years died 13 months ago. I dread Christmas. We bought this old farm house many years ago and we worked hard to make it the home we wanted. We loved nothing more than simply being together. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. Im staying alive for my daughter but I miss him so much, I dont know how Im going to live the rest of my life without him. Year 2.5 has made me more vulnerable to thoughtless remarks. I hope that mine never ends, but that it changes and that I can be of use in this world that I still live in. Florida Statutes require you to submit the original Will to the clerk of the court within 10 days of the person passing, while Florida Statute says this, no one holds you to this rule for obvious reasons. you are so right. The rest of the post has been deleted, only the title remains. I woke up in Bed a Saturday Morning on the 15th of December 2018 and she passed in her sleep. I recently went out 2 eat w/some friends, shared some laughs, but found myself missing my best friend who I had shared so many laughs with over 30 yrs. I cant write it but feel it and I feel it with you. Even negativity so unlike me! According to Google that's 9490.01 hours, but to me it feels like an eternity. Really! I wish I had that one more everyday. I think about her every single day. Now Im at Year 4. i find it hard to function, to get back to church, to get back to anything. I too have completely lost my fear of the dark or being on my own. The first 2 years every single memory of every single moment of happiness we had were the worst part. He was my other half and I know this. I'm dropping a video in a few minutes on this Two months have passed. And then there are days where I can't believe that it has been this long. Lost my son,my only child and best friend,13 months ago,38 years old,fell down his basement stairs,hit hit his head and died four days later.The pain gets worse every day.I cant even say more. They absolutely do not like him Ive just heard rumors about him and they give me total hard ache all the time. i struggle to find the meaning in life and wonder what the point is in trying to care about anything I feel as if nothing i do is ever going to matter to anyone and that nothing will ever be the ok again. I have panic attacks. It may seem hard but try to change the flight response to fight. I read The Year of Magical Thinking and at the end she says that eventually your loved one will become just a photo on the dresser. Its been a year. This will never end, will it? For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed, He listens. This second year is so hard in a different non-surreal way. Lost. I used to be the life of the party but that person is gone. He fell and hit his head, passing away very suddenly. On top of it all, the flashbacks of seeing him in the pool came often and took me to my knees every time. Heartache. I lost my It changes. We had selected and paid for our weding bands. What to do now with the time Im given and the people before me? It doesnt feel any better or easier. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. You never forget, you just learn how to deal with the pain and heartache. I look back and I see I am better, but not altogether well. Every journey is unique and we just get through our own way. Theres little relief and not having my husband of 41 yrs here with me is suffocating. Going to church hurts, even though it is suppose to be a healing place, we spent a lot of time together up there. When, I feel as you (and I do feel that way), I think of what my beautiful wife and friend would do or say. Im in a slump dont wont go out or visit. Her death is still the first thing I think of when I wake and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. I have no one else in this world. Hang in there. All the time still being a mum myself to 2 young children who were close to her . I have days of no energy or ambition. as though you are living in a different world Im still trying to somehow soothe their pain, their need and its getting harder by the day. I know I will have to carry this pain around until I die too, because it will never ease. My heart goes out to all of you. Robin. Has anyone else experienced a strong feeling of depression after months of grief? I pray for all of us that someday we will find true joy again. I am 76 and my husband of 54 years died unexpectedly 3 months before our 55th anniversary. The first year I immersed myself in clearing things up and moved across the country to be with my daughter. I take one step then the next then the next. Many have been let down by those around them therefore turning to an animal for unconditional love and company and as a confidante. I just cant see me with anyone else. foward with the huge hole in my It does help to know that Im not some crazy women who doesnt know how to move on. How can they possibly think that way? But heres my two cents. Hes doing it for a reason to help us. We had been married 49 years, and I still have no idea how to live without him. He got very angry but we never stopped loving each other . I continue to struggle with that every single day. I want to be with him. I keep thinking if I pray hard enough, wish hard enough and love hard enough, he will come back to me. Holly, Lewis, 23 years old at the time, was the youngest "Big Six" leader to address the thousands-strong demonstration. I am 16 months in and its is harder than the firstBUTi have joined lots of things and really get out and about. I am very active in my church have lovely friends and family but they are busy caring for their own lives. Ive also quit watching TV, which I think has been somewhat helpful. He Loved life and taught me and my children to embrace it. I lived on chicken nuggets and pop tarts for the first year. So in my head all I know is they were wrong. I have lost all my strength without him. We loved each other like no other. But when they get close I bail out. I guess its normal. I wish you all peace. YOU NEED QUALITY VISITORS FOR YOUR: griefincommon.com ? read your post and it could a mirror of my life! We had 3 lovely children together. - Unknown. No shoulders left 2 lean on. Peace and acceptance will come. I feel so sorry that my wife had so much pain to go though and nothing could save her life. I wont give you any of the tired and pathetic pieces of common advice. It seams harder now than the first year.I am always wondering will it ever be better or will life just be like this,just go through the motions.I lost a son 16 years ago my mother passed 5weeks before he did,I made it threw that but this so different,no (one can understand that),this hurt goes beyond that for me,does it ever get any better? I wish I could believe it is going to be ok but I dont feel that way. All this time I felt hopeless, guilty, sad, mad, upset, confused, tired, but more than anything miserable. There was just my brother and I and he was a great guy, down to earth, great sense of humour, a very kind man and I loved him very much and miss him a lot and yet as mentioned I am not on my own. I relive it every day when I go to sleep when I wake up. Couple of months of disbelief and struggle. The grief process has been awful but I am working with it. No other moments were devoid of the heaviness on my heart. I am struggling with the grieving process and know it will only be worse when my parents pass. I took care of him during his last two years . Well when we were together for about a year I decided to leave him because we argue a lot, jealousy and thoughts of cheating. You are always in my mind and I know you're watching over me and mum from above, it makes me smile even though I am sad. I want to be with my Harry. I pray daily for all who mourn the death of a loved one or pet, O my, thankyou. I believe this is what the Lord wants. Its true, I feel relief reading similar experiences. He and mum lived in Ireland and me and my two brothers visited them regularly. My wife passed away march 13, 2015 after fighting cancer for almost 15 of the 16 years we were together. I lost my wife September 8th 2017 our anniversary was to be 23 September. I know you will make the right decision what to do about your future. It's the kind of heartache you can feel in your bones. Since then, I have a general awareness that she watches over me, but I cant hear or feel her. My crying break downs are now short and fewer, but any little memory can set me off. It helps me all morning and day. He passed away on July 27 2018. - Unknown. Hiya Holly. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. I want to hear the sound of his voice, feel his arms around me, kiss me and tell me he loves me. I thought I was coping my kids where still trying to cope with there own grieve. The good lord is caring me through this nightmare. Life is filled with pain and I cant find the balance without my husband. As many of you have attested, over time, episodes of intense grief begin to happen less often yet they still wallop the same punch when they come. Specially because many times he said to me if I didnt get back with him he didnt want to be here anymore. We held each other. My husband fought so hard for us. God bless you. What am I suppose to do now? It is not a accounted for grief. Im not sure my beliefs on that score but I do know this.live does not die. Was just trying to forget my past and start over again a fresh start but all that came down hill when I was in college and had a panic attacked in one class realizing that it was time for me to deal with the truth. I am in Year #2 and do know how these thoughts can creep in..But sucuide leaves so much suffering for those that remain. I weep and wail and feel as though it happened yesterday. It is different now, but not easier. heart. After a few months we started dating- the girls love him- I love him. with friends like that, who needs enemies. Guess what? I dated soon after her death as someone that i would not have pursued asked me out. This week marks five years since my mom passed away. 4) Mom, your memories are my life's only solace. She went to hospice, but at least I was After I woke up from my overdose, I went through intense counseling. Only after EMDR therapy was I able to move past its hold on me. Every day is a challenge just to get through it. I was able to bury him next to his father.